So a few weeks ago I get this weird picture of a man in face paint from my friend, Adele, I reply "Who the hell is that". Then my phone rings. Its Adele. She asked if I got the pic, I reply yes. She says OK, I have a story to tell you. She goes on to tell me that this guy has been basically stalking her to go on a date. So in his sneaki-ness he does some sort of video chat app to talk to her. You don't know her but I will tell you she is a terrible liar. So I guess by the end of the conversation she agrees to meet this guy to go to the movies. Afterwards, they go to a local spot for some drinks. While they are there, I guess he is inclined to tell her somethings about himself. First, He ask, Did I ever tell you why I got divorced. She answers no, but didn't seem to want to really know why. She really wanted to know when this so-called "date" would be over. He explains to her that he is a swinger, WHAT!? I'm sorry, I'm no dating expert, but saying "yea, so umm, I like chicks and d*$k" on the first date. Doesn't seem like a great opening line for a future together. Now, again, I wasn't present for this conversation. I'm just telling you what she told me(by the way she told me to blog about it so she can hear how I heard the story). At this point, I honestly say to her that I did not want to hear anymore of this story. she kept saying, "but, wait". So naturally I kept listening. She continues with her story saying that he was going into detail about local clubs that have sex parties. As she keeps talking I can't help but to continue to think, "Man, this dude just loves the d*$k".Anyway, she goes on to tell me that he has a foot fetish(I think, that may not be 100% accurate, because I was trying not to listen but she JUST KEPT TELLING ME). He tells her he would love to like lick her feet and isht?! Out of all the stuff that was said prior, that is the only thing I was like "oh that's not that bad". Next question out of the insanely curious Adele's mouth is, don't you have a girlfriend? He answers with a Yes, but she is cool with it. WELL DAMN. That is what I call having cake and eating it too(and by eat it too I mean its still up in the air if he likes d*$k or not, we are thinking its a 98.2% probability that he does). At this point, Adele is telling me she was trying to hold back the laughter. Also she is thinking, for what reason I don't know, she needs to tell me about this. So I guess(again cause I wasn't there) they are leaving to go to the car. He found his window to shoot this question " so you want to be like friends with benefits". That is amazing. For two reasons...1) he was bold enough to say all this stuff on the first outing. From the divorce, to the parties, to the fetishes. I mean, i know she was asking questions! he should have known, that those questions were only being asked to gain more info to put him on blast. 2) I think its amazing cause I understand his reasoning for asking the question. I mean, if it were me saying all that stuff, and she hasn't left flames on the ground from her running to her car to get the hell out of there. When will there be a better time to shoot that question out there.
So I guess the whole point of this is. If a grown ass man sends you a picture of himself with face paint on. Change your number cause there is a strong chance he is a divorced man, that likes to lick feet, while another man massages his butt with whipped cream, while having sex with another lady, in a guy named Skeets basement, on a bi-weekly basis, while his girlfriend is at home watching re-runs of greys anatomy, and is "cool with it"!
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