Smokin in the girl's bathroom

Some years back I was a first year sales rep at a wireless company. Over the years I have many stories but this is one that I always go back to and is a funny one to tell.

A tall man with a mullet, tank top and messed up jeans walks in with a woman that is shorter and round with a bit of a mustache. The man seems to be a bit sketchy, but the woman seems to have it all together. I greet them, they say they are looking to purchase service. I sell them on the service and they agree. As I am preparing the account and drawing up the contract, my phone rings. At the time, assigning personal ringtones was a new feature(this was mid 2004). The person calling me had the Akon's Locked up as a ringtone. Instantly the couple started to dance and sing the song. I was shocked to say the least cause they looked like they would have a rebel flag on at least five personal items i.e. arm, breast, lighter, truck or hat.

The man explains that the song has a special meaning for them. At that point I was all in to hear this story along with my co-worker, who was sitting right beside me. I looked over at Jay(my co-worker) and smiled, he nodded and held back the laughter. The man goes on to say that he hates cops. I followed with a baiting..."Really?". His lady friend, answers with anger, saying "they treated him terrible". Here is where the story becomes almost unbelievable...

The man starts with this line, "So we are in the women's bathroom smoking crack, right!". HOLD THE H UP. You were where, smoking what? I was completely shocked, I looked over at Jay and he looked like he had saw a ghost. The female goes on to validate the story, but assures Jay and myself that she was just in the bathroom not actually smoking crack, cause she doesn't do that. Which is believable because I have never seen a overweight crackhead in my life. The man continues with his story.... Yea, so I was sitting on the toilet smokin, and she was sitting on the floor in front of me. while we are in the back of this laundromat smokin, someone is robbing it. when I get done we walk out and the cops are already there. I walk around the corner and they tell me to get on the ground and start to arrest me.... he seemed to be upset that he was being arrest because he happen to be in the same place that a robbery just occurred, smoking crack in the bathroom, and the cops didn't let him go. Cause after all he was JUST SMOKIN CRACK in a public place. Also, How long were you back there smoking crack, shit, a robbery happened and the police were already there. That's a long ass time. The lady then chimes in with her part of the story, telling me that she was upset the way they threw him on the ground so rough. Also that they think all people that smoke crack rob places.

They continue with the legal trouble that he could be facing, so on and so forth. Then the man looks at Jay and myself and asked "y'all like pies, cause I use to work at a restaurant and learned how to bake". Both Jay and I give a reluctant head nod that we do like pies, but both make up excuses as to why we don't want one. About a week later the man shows up in the store, along with his sidekick. she is carrying a bag. Inside the bag, YOU GUESS IT... PIES. he asked if we would like to buy one. We both give him that excuse that works on Homeless, girl scouts, and crackheads with homemade custard pies...."Awwww man, I don't have any cash on me".. he says that it is cool cause we hooked him up on phones, so he will leave this one with us, but he will be back next week to "take our order" for more pies.

Normally that is how this story would end but it doesn't. We take the pie in the back of the store and have a laugh. Totally forgetting that we work with a guy named Marcus that will eat anything. Marcus comes in the back and ask about the pie. We both informed and warned him that a crackhead customer made it, and we aren't touching the thing. He says "man, you don't know crack heads make the best pies"... I will let you finish the story for yourself from this point

CRACKPIES FOR EVERYONE!